Ahhh, my first Friday post. This completes my first week of publishing three times a week. I WELCOME CLAPS AND COMPLIMENTS. I am having that quintessential writer-committed-to-a-schedule experience in which I write the thing from the depths of a hangover. It is not fun, but I also haven’t gone out in a while (uhhh… two weeks) and might have been a little too successful on my mission to finally let loose last night.
Anyway. Fridays are for suggestions. Or more like brief elaborations on things I’ve genuinely enjoyed, that maybe you might too — if not literally then at least conceptually.
Have a great weekend and see you at The Debrief on Monday!
1. I really enjoyed reading this Ask Polly answer to the question “how do you know when your art is bad?”
As someone who has been actively trying to fix her incredibly troubled relationship with her craft, this article is perhaps the single most important piece of writing I can ever read on the fear of making something. I am scared a lot when it comes to writing. So chronically scared I could never commit to it in any real way (somehow committing to writing professionally, in the context of a job, only feels like I’m running away from it). I’m sure there are other great articles out there that address the same ideas, but having read this, I’m also pretty sure I won’t have to read another one. I genuinely would like to bathe in these words, have them tattooed in my brain, rub it on my skin, engage with it in whatever way will heal all of the wounds this fear has brought into my life.
I don’t know, I guess I really needed to hear this:
If you’re pushing yourself to grow and expand and learn and experiment, you sometimes don’t know where you are. This can be true emotionally, creatively, physically, and intellectually.
And this:
So to return to your question HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN YOUR ART IS GOOD? You don’t know. Even if the world says YES IT’S GOOD HERE TAKE THIS MACARTHUR GENIUS GRANT! Or YES YOU ARE ONE OF THE BEST, HERE TAKE THIS NOBEL PRIZE FOR LITERATURE!, you should still pity those prize-winning motherfuckers. Because nothing makes art more difficult than the suspicion that the people around you expect great art from you.
The article is a very long answer to a question so obvious and universal you would think nothing new can be said about it, and yet… it’s brilliant.
2. I love doing focus hours with a long-distance friend
Catching up can sometimes be a drag (ooo hot take), and in the case of someone who’ve just had a really good friend move away, the idea is sometimes more painful/sad than fun because of how much it emphasizes absence. One thing I’ve enjoyed in the past month since Rocky left is doing a sort of “focus-hour” calls where… we’re both on Facetime but to each do our own thing. He’s usually doing a reading assignment for one of his classes, and I’m either writing or reading. One of those calls where you’re on it for the specific purpose of not talking. I guess it’s called “body doubling” in the world of ADHD?
It’s great, because first of all, the sheer presence of another person holds you accountable and pushes you to really get things done. But more than that, I like that doing this keeps our friendship running in realtime, instead of having it be suspended in between “catch-ups”. I like that Rocky gets to be a part of my “mundane” moments, the way he would be if we still lived in the same city, and in that sense he gets to be a part of my day-to-day, still, despite the distance. As someone who lives alone and spends most of her time without other people, these calls also offer a nice window for me to… “perform” myself, I think. Be something other than a slob for an hour or two. Or four.
3. I can’t believe I’m a regular at a spin studio
2023 is the year I got into spinning. I did a class years ago, courtesy of Audi, who is perhaps one of the sportiest of all my friends, and never did it again because I wanted to die. BUT a few months ago Basten, the only other sporty friend in my life other than Audi, notified me of an Ariana Grande-themed spin class and I’ve been a convert ever since. It’s wild how indoor cycling has been a thing for over a decade now and no one briefed me on the idea that it is (or can be) very much a music-driven experience; like you’re basically cycling and vibing to song selections, and these selections are very often excellent! Paired with the right movements, you might just trick your brain into thinking you’re out livin’ it up at Lola (RIP) on a Friday night.
4. I’m on the hunt for the cheapest tequila rack in town
I don’t know how we got here but I’m in my tequila era, sort of. Not that I’ve become a connoisseur, in fact quite the opposite. My standards for a drink have never been lower. I’m just out here to have a good time and to do that, I prefer not to be holding on to a glass like if I’d ordered a gin and tonic. It just gets in the way. Shots are quick, often cheap, and tequila just takes you there with minimal damage the next day — for me anyway. I do still enjoy a glass of beer. In fact, it’s almost like my nights run exclusively in two modes: beer mode, which is the easy and chill sit-down kind over a fun conversation, and tequila mode, which is the part of the night where I prefer being on my feet. I do enjoy a good cocktail, I just don’t currently harbor as much enthusiasm for it. And as for wine…? I guess my life is just the kind that doesn’t call for much wine moments. Not right now anyway. Wine and cocktails are for those in-between moments, when things are about to be a party but not quite there yet. Or when things aren’t meant to be a party at all but they’re fun and probably wholesome. I rarely find myself in between these days. I don’t know if it’s good or bad, it just is.
Anyway. About my hunt. 404 at Wijaya has Rp404k racks (6 shots, which I suppose is the standard?). Ding Dong Disko in Kemang has Rp350k racks. I think The Moon at Monopoli had Rp300k racks the last time I was there??? Wondering what else is out there… Do send tips!!!
5. I’m actively trying to not gatekeep nice thoughts about others
I can’t find the TikTok, but the other day while mindlessly scrolling through the app, I came across a video where this girl basically said she’s been trying compliment strangers more. Not as some creepy or weird exercise, but rather as a practice of voicing out good thoughts (paraphrasing here). Something about this framing of compliments struck me. Like yes, absolutely, why the fuck do we not share genuinely nice thoughts more often? With strangers or not. Why have a good thought and bury it when it may just benefit the other person to hear? Sorry if this all sounds so woowoo, lol, but the suggestion has made me want to investigate my own thought process, especially of the nicer stuff. Where do they go? Why do I let them go at all?
The other day I went out to get coffee and the cafe had a waitlist. The host asked to take my name and when she looked up she had such big, beautiful eyes. So I told her. To see how that would feel. My specific words were: “Mbak, matanya bagus banget deh” in a tone as matter-of-fact as I could muster, hahahh. Her reply: “Omg makasih mbak, I LOVE your hair!”
Past the shock of actually having the courage to blurt out the words, the whole thing actually felt cute! Definitely less traumatizing than I thought it would be.
YOU DID IT!!! CLAP CLAP CLAP x 100 🫶 Also, this makes me wanna read ‘How do you know when your art is bad’ ❤️